The Jac

The Ben Nevis Bar at the end of the town

Is also known as The Jac

There’s always at least one loony in there

So it’s always excellent craic

We had a good night when the Mod was in town

And people came from afar

They were all hardened drinkers, which suited us fine

And we nearly dried up the whole bar

But one particular punter that night

Complimented me, which was nice

But I soon found out he was pissed as a fart

And he knocked down the speaker twice

On another occasion we stayed behind

To have a few drinks with our friends

Ally, Karena and Eric were there

But the hilarity never ends

Karena was bursting but the toilets were locked

So what did she do – can you think?

We don’t drink pints in there anymore

Cause she pissed in the glass-washing sink

Then Eric, our hero, tried to get a round

But no-one was there to assist

So he decided to help himself

But there was someone there he missed

Scott, the barman, stood and watched

He must have thought Eric was thick

And when Eric saw him standing there

He nearly shit a brick

Scott laughed it off and got us a drink

Then sent us on our way

So home we went, after another great night

What more can I say

Oh Jesus Christ how could I forget

The time that Stephen stumbled

I nearly pee’d my pants that night

As in a heep he crumbled

His ponytail went up in the air

It was a sight to be seen

But he nearly re-arranged his face

As it smacked off the ciggie machine

He’s not the only one to fall

I’ve done it a few times my self

The best being in an all-night shop

As I disrupted the cereal shelf

What a bloody fright I got

I was horizontal in the air

The shopkeeper cared not-a-jot

All she did was stare

Then a few weeks later I tripped over my feet

And I skidded along the ground

My trousers were ripped, my hand was all cut

And several bruises I found

But so far so good, there’s been no broken bones

Although it’s early days yet

So keep logging on to our Wonderland site

As you’re surfin’ around the net