The Lochy’s another pub over in Caol

Which we gig once in a while

They only put music on now and again

So we’re lucky they approve of our style

Gordon’s the owner – he’s run it for years

The staff there are all good craic too

They all like to party and go out for a drink

And when we’re there they usually do

We normally treat it like any other gig

But sometimes we bring in some friends

With Eric the drummer and Muir on the bass

We must practice for several weekends

When we did it the first time they all got dressed up

But I didn’t bother at all

I know I am boring but wait ‘til the next time

I’ll be belle of the ball

Stevie and Muir put on snorkels and masks

And swimming trunks over there jeans

It was nothing like Baywatch so please do not fear

They looked more like two Mr Beans

The next time we did it we planned in advance

I had chosen my outfit with care

All that was left for my costume that night

Was the ringlets to put in my hair

I bought a huge lolly with colourful swirls

In Oxfam I purchased a dress

I looked out my teddy who’s 30 years old

Oh boy was I going to impress

I got surgical stockings from a nurse that I know

The shoes, well, I’d had them for years

I drew a few freckles all over my face

Let’s hope I don’t shed any tears

The best thing I had was a big ‘fuck-off’ bow

Which was massive but everyone laughed

Until I looked over my shoulder too fast

And caused such a whore of a draught

Stephen was daring, a thin suit he wore

The devil he was – and that’s true

Not even a codpiece to cover his ‘bits’

Just thank God it wasn’t see-through

He drew on his face to give the effect

Of the flames shooting up to his head

He put on claw slippers to cover his feet

He looked good it has to be said

With his trident in hand and the horns on his head

He looked like the devil himself

So the outfit was cherished – he’ll wear it again

It will not long lie on the shelf

Now Eric the drummer came as a punk

He took to the part really well

With earrings and chains and dye in his hair

He drummed like drummer from hell

With all the sweating he did that night

The dye ran all over his face

He looked such a mess at the end of the night

No wonder he cleared the place

Then Muir, poor Muir, he just couldn’t think

Of anything to make him exciting

But then like a flash he came up with a plan

He’d go as a very camp viking

He put on a coat which would make him sweat

And put the viking-hat’s horns to the front

He pushed out his wallies now and again

He’s off his head – daft cunt

He put on a pose with his hands on his hips

You know the one I mean

He pouted a little which made us all laugh

It was a vision that had to be seen

On this occasion we had an extra friend

An Egyptian who could play the fiddle

He’s dressed in purple at the end

And you’ve guessed - Muir’s the one in the middle

The night was great we had a laugh

It was all over too soon

All that practice paid off well

We’d perfected every tune

I hope we get another chance

To do it all once more

It was such a change from the usual songs

Who knows what we have in store  

The songs that we did had an up-tempo beat  

To make everyone jump about

A good old ceilidh was had by all

Will we do it again? No doubt!!