Oban

Now off to Oban, what a weekend

It didn’t go well from the start

But then I found out there was a solar eclipse

And I’m sure that it played a large part

It all began when we got in the car

To go and meet Stephen and Cath

I slammed the car into reverse

But something stood in my path

That something was my neighbour’s car

Who is also Catherine’s brother

My car was fine but his was a mess

Thank fuck I had fully-comp cover

So off in Stephen’s van we go

It went without a hitch

Even the owner came over that night

And she usually acts like a bitch

I like doing Oban as we have a laugh

And lots of things go wrong

Usually the manageress’s fault

I think she’s been there far too long

(2 secret verses, e-mail Steve for them)

The last time we played there it was jam-packed

You could hardly see a thing

And then a guy was pushed back

And burst Stephen’s G-string

He got so mad (Stephen I mean)

And he pushed the guy back to the crowd

I’d never seen him act like that

And he shouted “You Cunt!” really loud.

Now off to our beds at a fancy hotel

Which we got thanks to my hubby Ally

The four of us had such a laugh

Lots of drink there so no dilly-dally

We went to our rooms which were next to each other

And poured four glasses of wine

We took some photos (here’s the result)

Can you tell we were feelin’ fine?

Now off to bed as the bottles ran dry

And conversation was getting absurd

So we hung our sings on our bedroom doors

Which read “Do Not Disturb”

We got up late the following day

So breakfast was not on the list

But to our surprise The Food Stop could help

So we got what we thought we’d missed!